Other people look for porn, I look for pizza.

It's almost 1 in the morning and I'm drinkin' a beer. I'm a man. Got Randy Bachman's CBC show on the radio - he's playing Eddie Cochran, God bless him - and a container of BBQ pork beckoning me to the fridge. And yet, I cannot move. The Internet has me transfixed to........ what? Girl on girl action? Steamy amateur lovin'? A sheep dressed in PVC whipping a turtle?

No, pizza.

Oh I have dreams, you know. One day I'd like to own a house - not so much for any other reason than to make and cure my own Italian cold cuts in the cellar. And I HAVE to have one of those brick ovens in the backyard, Jamie Oliver style. I'd make pizza dough everyday and basically just survive on pizza. Crack an egg on it, add some ham, bake it off = breakfast. Leftovers on dough = lunch. Some of my cured meats with a crumble of buffalo mozzarella and - hey what the hell - a veggie or two = dinner. For a change I'd make a nice calzone every once in a while.

But until those dreams come true, I look online for encouraging signs that the universe is in its pomp and that the stars are aligned just so, and I offer exhibit A.1: http://www.toarminas.com/pizza.htm

Now, this is my kind of manifesto. First, these devilish Michigan bastards put paid to the nancypants idea of a "small" pizza. Then they laugh at the "rabbit food" like qualities of their competitors' MEATS! They had me at "to call it meat is worse than an exaggeration, it's lying."

Well, wipe the drool from my quivering lips and put a cloth over my hard-on..... if only this place had pictures of their wares, I'd be humping my computer screen and biting on a rag.

Like I said, somewhere - probably just down my apartment hall - some dude is witnessing something probably borderline illegal involving a Senator and a grade school "gifted" class but for me, it's all about the sweet, sweet 'za.

I'm pretty sure Mike is gonna regret giving me a spot on the Foodeeze blog.